I´m quite sure most of you are able to see where this post is going to just by paying attention to its title. Staring at this blank page for the 14th minute without hitting a letter and thinking about whether I should even write about the events in the last couple of weeks or not is probably just a reflection of my current indecisiveness about what I should / could do with the rest of my life.
April used to be one of my favourite months in Germany.
It always felt a bit like a new beginning, everything turning green and the sun had some powers again. Usually we used the free weekends for little trips and we sat outside in T-shirts for the first time that year. And now, just as the rapeseed fields were starting to turn bright yellow, all this excitement over the upcoming weekends, holidays and little trips has become as meaningless as it could get. This year, instead of daydreaming of nice moments ahead of us, I am crying over the ones which will never happen again.
This blog has always been about travelling & everything what comes with it and I usually don´t share any personal life details beyond our holidays, but in this case i feel I cannot really avoid it. Let´s just keep it short and informative – we are getting a divorce.
Yes, WE are. We who have gotten through some really challenging situations so far, we who made all these amazing holidays, we who simply loved each other´s humour, we who made lots of sacrifices to make this happen, we who have built a life together. A nice life. A family. A home. We, who now are letting this all go and are starting a new chapter. A chapter that doesn´t involve many things we had now. We are most probably never ever sitting in a plane together again, planning a road trip to Scandinavia or go hiking on the weekends. You get the picture.
Floating in a bubble of sadness, disappointment, hope, anger, love, desperation, wonderful memories and also a tiny little feeling of freedom, my head feels like exploding from all this sudden emotions. But despite all this confusion, there are some important decisions to be made. Soon. About where and when and how.
As of travelling and holidays is concerned – it´s just going to be Lu and me now. It will be different, it will be more expensive, it might be more risky. But as we experienced recently on our trip to Asia, we can totally do this!
In this spirit of changes, new beginnings and rearrangements, I am giving this page a bit of a make over as well. I will not be erasing old photos or something like that – those are precious memories and I want to keep them just as they are. Even though I might never completely understand this decision, I have to move on…
…and in the end there is no great regret, no great grudge, no great hate. I will find a way not to let these things stop me on the way to a happy new life. What ever that will be. But giving up travelling just because there is no man in the picture is out of the question! I´m taking this as a great new beginning! With the best little man on my side :).